Fog

I am so tired of the fog in my brain. It makes the pain seem endless and makes me short tempered and unable to focus on what they are all saying to me. I wish I could sleep till it's all over and I am no longer a Celiac. It completely sucks that I am unable to sleep at all during this glutening. How many endless and painful trips to the bathroom will this time take. I get so angry when I am like this. Futile and useless anger. Anger at myself for not being able to keep myself safe. Anger at the Doctors who told my parents when I was born that maybe I would grow out of being a Celiac. I found out at 46 that I had been diagnosed with it at birth. Anger at my parents for deciding that they could make me not be sick by never telling me I had a disease. Anger at my entire family who knew but kept it a deep dark secret from me my whole life. A lifetime I was constantly sick with some pretty major problems... like Rheumatic Fever. I had that four different times. Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Fun stuff huh? So many many more things and all of them can be laid at the door of untreated Celiac Disease. I know my parents were members of the think yourself well group. Their favorite saying when one of us children got hurt was "Quit your whining candybutt". They tried to make us as tough as possible. Except I was already tough... I was just sick. I am so tired.